Several weeks ago, Chris Brogan wrote a post about depression. It stood out to me for a couple of reasons:
He’s a man. Men are less likely to speak about depression.
He’s successful. Successful people online don’t casually talk about their weaknesses unless it’s to “teach a lesson” about how they overcame some flaw or failure (because God-forbid we keep our icky flaws).
He made a simple point:
”I’m saying that people who suffer from depression can be successful, even though they are depressed.”
Even though and not when they finally overcome depression, as in – success and depression can live together.
That was a pretty noteworthy thing to say.
Because there are too many pseudo-gurus out there on a mission to fix people who are “broken” when the truth is… being a little broken doesn’t need to stop anyone from succeeding.
I really don’t care to fix everything about me that’s “broken”.
I think it would be nice if more people (especially in the self-help world) would get it in their heads that when someone says “I’m depressed”, or… [insert any flaw one can have] … that isn’t a cry for sympathy.
They aren’t necessarily looking for a cure or to be fixed. It isn’t an open invitation to hear about your life coaching services. They’re just stating what they’re going through. People should be allowed to do that – without others thinking they are doomed, or playing the “victim”.
I wonder how much self-help in the world is actually helping and how much is hurting people.
I wonder how much time is being spent distracted by this notion of achieving perfect self-actualization.
I wonder how much time I wasted not doing something interesting because I was busy reading about “how to do something interesting” with my life… as if I ever needed instruction.
Or what’s worse – reading the same thing over and over, but written just slightly different… because ya see… what the internet has done is put everything out in the open. So, what happens when everyone knows everything? Because that’s seems to be what is happening.
Every method and idea you’ve adopted from your guru is a Google search away.
Then the only thing you have to give that is somewhat interesting is YOU… but, the you that you used to be before you knew anything at all. If that makes sense.
What I mean is what’s interesting about anyone is who they are when they aren’t acting as a member of a “tribe”.
Take a look at Andy Warhol.
When he wrote “The Philosophy of Andy Warhol”, he was just being his weird self. He wasn’t trying to reveal the “7 Habits of Highly Successful Artists”. The book is partly nonsense, with glimpses of what sparkly things go on inside Warhol’s head. His random thoughts and epiphanies. All unique to his life experience.
This is something we all have. And it’s what we use to make sense of and deal with what works and what doesn’t work in our lives.
But, there will always be someone to tell you what should work better for you, and all without knowing anything about you at all.
“Your way wouldn’t be my way, any more than your eyeglasses prescription would do me any good. We all get here via different vehicles, all have different paths, all have different levels of capability and coping. Your way isn’t my way and my way isn’t yours.” ~Chris Brogan
And isn’t that the way it is? Even when I try someone’s method and it works, it’s only because I’ve tweaked it to make it suit me.
When I started Nurturing Creativity, I told myself I didn’t want to teach creativity. I wanted to support Creatives. I didn’t want to be a leader. I wanted to be a peer.
I know some of you are born leaders, and are building your tribe of minions, and it works for you, and that’s cool. It’s just not me, ya know?…
I’m more the supportive type, and always will be.
You might make a difference in the world by leading. I make a difference through supporting. Maybe that IS a form of leadership? … I dunno… Let’s not analyze it and just keep doing what we do best in our own unique way.
This is the first post of yours I’ve read and already feel like having a good look thru your site. Just this morning Robert and I were talking about my preference for taking comments critically before thinking that it could have been meant in a different way. I had a feeling like it’s a comfortable state of self preservation for me and that I don’t want that to be changed. Good thing my shrink likes to listen without criticism. It’s helping me deal with the depression which plagues me.
Thanks, Veronica. Glad it resonated with you. Listening without criticism is always helpful! Sometimes if I just talk out loud to someone, I end up making sense of things myself… listening is definitely under-rated.
Appreciate your thoughts!
Hi Denise
Totally agree with you.
What irritates me are people that want to fix me and all my problems, yet they have not fixed their own problems. I say comeback when you have solved your own problems, then maybe I might let you help me! Yes, they do know me so have a first hand look at my flaws, but sorry they have their own also. At least I am very aware of my own issues, but it looks to me they might actually be blind to the problems they possess!
As for answers on Google, well they are all probably there, but the problem is typing in the right question to get the answer you need. We can spend hours trying to find a solution. I find I get side-tracked in the process and usually find something of interest that I was not looking for.
I have never wanted to be a leader, but then I have never wanted to follow the crowd either. Maybe not so much support but a deep thinker. Maybe that is away of contributing…always looking at things from a different perspective. I would rather people question and think for themselves, maybe that is better support. You know that is basically what you have done here with your post today.
Like your thoughts on the subject.
Mary
Appreciate your comment, Mary. I can relate to the “deep thinking”. I tend to have a different perspective on things than those around me. Sometimes it’s deep, sometimes it’s just odd, lol. But, I can see how that puts one in a position to not necessarily lead or support, and that’s OK too. :)
It’s great to see something new from you Denise!
I believe that there’s plenty of room for people who want to improve the world through leadership and/or support. I’m trying both methods without having one be “more valid” than the other. It may turn out I’m more effective (and have more fun) with leadership or support, but I won’t know that for a while. I don’t understand yet why someone would focus on finding leadership through support though. Yes, leaders are paid more and get more accolades, but some of the most important people I know making change don’t aspire to be leaders (and even actively shun the role).
I agreed with pretty much everything in this essay except the part about “…what happens when everyone knows everything? Because that’s seems to be what is happening. Every method and idea you’ve adopted from your guru is a Google search away.”
My opinion is that anyone who claims to know everything – or have access to know everything at a moments notice via Google or some other real-time platform – is full of it. So much of our collective wisdom is now available to everyone through the Internet, but so little of it finds its way into our minds. I’m including myself in that category.
Thanks, Joel. Yeah, I’d say you’re right about people being full of it when they claim to know everything. My point was more about redistributing what people already know versus sharing something personal – whether it be a personal experience or perspective or opinion on a matter.
For awhile, I held back not sharing my *real* perspective because I thought it was weird or in the minority… like the tiny minority. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve learned better though, and I think that our perspectives – weird or not – are usually coming from our personal experience and that’s worth sharing even people disagree.
Oh,…and you’ve been gone awhile. I’m glad you’re back!
This may be my favorite post that you have written. Although I’m not sure I agree entirely, I can certainly feel the spirit from which you wrote.
Perhaps it’s okay to be broken (which I certainly am to some degree)? Maybe instead of trying to fix the flawed person that I am, I should celebrate it? Could this be true?
I’ll be back. I’m gonna have to process this a little more.
Thanks, Rich. Not agreeing entirely is welcome here :)
What I liked about Chris Brogan’s post isn’t that he was celebrating depression… he was just brave enough to talk about it without feeling the need to apologize for it. It could be depression or anything else. The point is, not every successful person needs to be a “Zig Ziglar” – the perfect image of optimism – We all have our own way and success has many paths.
Appreciate your comment, Rich!