Control and power is what we would typically associate with strength and success. The thought of surrendering and allowing, especially when circumstances are not ideal, can make one feel weak and helpless.
But, if surrendering and allowance were weak emotions, then they wouldn’t be considered the LAST stage of the grieving process.
It’s the last stage because it’s the hardest. Because it requires the most strength.
Every stage before acceptance serves it’s purpose, too.
But, acceptance means you know this is hard,
and you’re ready for what’s ahead.
You’re ready to do the work of moving forward.
Of starting new.
From scratch, if necessary.
Whatever needs to be done.
And depending on the size of the project or circumstance (writing a novel, launching a business, etc.) , the creative process can be long-suffering.
Be prepared to move towards the strength found in acceptance – towards knowing it will be hard, and becoming ready to do whatever needs to be done.
I don’t feel prepared to let go. In a hypothetical situation where my current business was completely unsuccessful or if I had to give up on something like the tiny house half way through, I don’t know if I could give up the control. I think it takes going through the rest of the grieving process first before you can get to the end.
So true. I read an article this week about grieving that explained why each stage is necessary and the purpose it serves. I really enjoyed it, because I never like to dismiss emotions or stages in any process and write it off as ‘bad’ or ‘useless’. Everything seems to serve it’s purpose as long as you don’t linger in one stage for an extreme amount of time.
How is the tiny house project going?
So are you taking a side on the letting-it-happen vs. forcing-it question of creativity? Or are you just talking about acceptance of the final product and letting it be what it is? Either way, interesting stuff… I never thought about acceptance in the grief process being related to creativity, but it makes a lot of sense.
It’s more the way I described it to Erin’s comment below – playing it as it lays. I’m doing the work, I’m controlling what’s given to me for that day.
I don’t mean it in the “let everything fall into place” sense. And force/control is good, in my opinion, if it’s working with what I have or can get.
For me, sometimes it takes a while before I get to that place where I can do that – that’s why I related it to grieving. Because I, sometimes go through stages, before I get to that point of control when creating.
Really appreciate your comment, Sarah!
After reading this I thought, “Cool. I’m already where Denise wants me to go.” But the odds of that actually being true are lower than what my ego is leading me to believe.
I am not prepared to start from scratch. I am not prepared to suddenly lose a close friend or family member if they unexpectedly die. And I’m trying to determine whether accepting that I’m unprepared is a good sign or bad sign.
I try not to discredit any stage. If that’s how you feel, allow it. I’m sure it has it’s purpose. I know I’m not prepared to lose my dad. I haven’t reached the final stage of acceptance there. But with death, it’s all very surreal until it’s real.
As far as creating goes… you did kinda start over with your website, even though some content carried over, it’s still a new brand – that had to feel good, starting fresh in that regard.
Beautiful. There’s so much strength in so-called weakness, but we don’t wish to acknowledge it, because it makes us aware of how vulnerable we really are.
So, true. Thanks, Shanna!
So very well put. I do think acceptance is often seen as passive, weak, like giving up somehow. But underneath, it’s so different. It may involve some measure of letting go, but that takes such enormous strength — it’s not the same as giving up at all. And then, as you say, there is the element of being ready to move forward, of finally meeting what’s coming with a quiet but steely sort of strength. I’ve never thought of this in terms of the creative process, but I definitely see where it has its place.
It’s kind of like “playing it as it lays”. There are ways we can manipulate things to work the way we intended or we can just go with how things are flowing and *build on that* instead. Sounds like a passive approach, but it’s not at all. As long as you really are working with what you’ve got.
Thanks for your comment!