I haven’t been creating much lately. Or connecting. And barely responding to email. I’ve been off the grid, on a break, in a mood, and what-have-you.
2012 has been rough.
Both my dad and my grandfather passed away this year. My grandfather in March and my dad this past Sunday – December 16th, after over a year of battling pancreatic cancer. But, I don’t want to talk about it because there are no words, yet.
What I want to talk about is taking time off. About walking away from creative work during difficult times. And how no matter how rational it seems to take a break when dealing with personal anguish, a break never feels quite right.
Why is that?
I think it’s because taking time off seems like the rational thing to do. But, for someone like me, whose mind barely functions unless it’s working on something interesting or fascinating, then time off can feel like added torture to the anguish.
I think creatives are just wired a little differently, so following rational advice doesn’t always work out well for us. I don’t have to stop creating in order to face something real. Sitting in stagnation doesn’t make grieving feel anymore legit. Resting doesn’t always help me make sense of things as I try to process loss. And I’ve tried.
Sherlock Holmes said “a change of work is the best rest”. That’s probably true. So, maybe it’s better to allow your grief to CHANGE the way you create than to stop creating because you’re grieving.