I haven’t been creating much lately. Or connecting. And barely responding to email. I’ve been off the grid, on a break, in a mood, and what-have-you.
2012 has been rough.
Both my dad and my grandfather passed away this year. My grandfather in March and my dad this past Sunday – December 16th, after over a year of battling pancreatic cancer. But, I don’t want to talk about it because there are no words, yet.
What I want to talk about is taking time off. About walking away from creative work during difficult times. And how no matter how rational it seems to take a break when dealing with personal anguish, a break never feels quite right.
Why is that?
I think it’s because taking time off seems like the rational thing to do. But, for someone like me, whose mind barely functions unless it’s working on something interesting or fascinating, then time off can feel like added torture to the anguish.
I think creatives are just wired a little differently, so following rational advice doesn’t always work out well for us. I don’t have to stop creating in order to face something real. Sitting in stagnation doesn’t make grieving feel anymore legit. Resting doesn’t always help me make sense of things as I try to process loss. And I’ve tried.
Sherlock Holmes said “a change of work is the best rest”. That’s probably true. So, maybe it’s better to allow your grief to CHANGE the way you create than to stop creating because you’re grieving.
Hello Denise, First I want say I’m really sorry to hear about your Dad and grandfather, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Sometimes it’s good to keep the mind busy to help us keep our sanity, I think you have a great looking blog here, I would hate to see it not being utilized.
We sometimes have to take a break because it is the right thing to do, spending time with the family when things like this happens, but we then have to pick up were we left off and do what we love.
When we loose our love ones there’re never really far, in fact, they’re closer then you know. May health and happiness, be with you my friend.
Have a wonderful day Denise
Absolutely, and I certainly don’t regret the time I took to spend with family. I am glad, too, though that I do have creative outlets that help me get through tough times.
Appreciate the empathy & your comment!
You are most welcome Denise keep strong we have to in order to move on..have a great day
This year I went through hell, its been the roughest year yet and I just stopped doing everything you described. I even went through phases. It is hard, absolutely hard but thats how creatives deal….its better to not create than to create out of emptiness. I created a bit when I was in pain and when I stopped creating, was when I found myself again. Welcome back hopefully and I am so sorry to hear about your dad and grand-dad
Thanks, Blessing. Sorry to hear about your hard times this year.
and I’m glad to see you here again :)
I find creating as one of the best ways to work through grief. It’s usually nothing “productive” in terms of writing the next chapter of a novel or anything like that, but raw poetry or music or whatever art works for you can be a powerful channel.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about your loss. May your creative times be helpful in ways that other consolation cannot.
Thanks, Michael. Appreciate the support :)
Hi Denise
Sorry for your loss of relatives this year.
It is always hard to loose people you love. No one can tell you how you should act upon them being gone. Everybody acts differently and only you know what feels right to you.
I lost my parents many years ago and life stands still for awhile and that is okay. You will know when you can resume what seems normal to you.
Creative, there are so many ways to be creative and this is probably a great time not to do stuff that seem so mundane. It can all wait.
Mary
“life stands still” – exactly. I honestly, feel lost.
Appreciate the comment & sympathy, Mary!
Denise – it’s been a while since i paid you a visit and i hate to return hearing the news of your loved ones passing away. i lost my father when i was 18 and it’s a kind of grief i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
even when dealing with “life” issues in general, i’ve never been one to shut down and take time off. like you, i gotta be doing something. next time i’m in a funk – i’ll make it a point to reflect on Sherlock’s quote.
Glad to see you here, thanks for your comment. And sorry about your dad, 18 seems like a very rough time to lose a father.
I think staying busy, but not being in a hurry is what works for me. Working, but not under any pressure.
Well said, Denise. I think we are always the best stewards of our own experiences, and if creating is what you need, then there shouldn’t be any judgement about what you “should” be doing or what “should” be restful for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Sarah. I don’t regret trying to take time off for a few weeks.. at least now I know that doesn’t work for me the way I thought it would.
It’s so easy to follow the commonly accepted advice and then wonder why it isn’t working for you. Thank you for pointing out that what works for most people doesn’t work for everyone and that it is ok to do your own thing.
Even when I need a break from creativity, I find the need to create doesn’t go away. Whether it’s by cooking, knitting, making tutoring worksheets, or something else, I often feel the need to synthesize and combine elements into a new whole when my usual forms of creativity get set aside.
I hope that whatever changes you make work out to be just the ones you needed.
Thank you, Erin. Good point about combining elements. I do notice that when I’m down, I’m more inclined to experiment like that.
Just wanted you to know that you were missed. CJ said that we hadn’t seen a post in a bit and I noticed too. Very sorry to hear about your dad and grandfather.
I think it is so interesting what you said at the end of your post:
So, maybe it’s better to allow your grief to CHANGE the way you create than to stop creating because you’re grieving.
I never thought of that before, and I’m so glad you wrote it.
Thank you, Tammy for the sympathy. I’m glad the post resonated with you!
I’m so sorry for your losses, Denise. I agree that it’s hard for creatives to just stop creating when they take time off. I think that creatives actually do need time off, but not from creating. We need time off from our given mediums so that we can channel creativity into learning something new… or creating in a different medium.
True. We also need time off from stuff like vacuuming, dusting, laundry, and other boring responsibilities. lol. In fact, a good way to support a grieving person is to offer to do those things for them, while they go paint, write, or whatever else helps them cope.
Thanks, Ethan, for the support and sympathy.
I agree. Well, mainly, I’m not a fan of ‘one size fits all’ advice. I’ve always found change is as good as a rest… until it isn’t, of course. Then I sleep for three days and start all over again.
You know what you need. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Ah, yes… I’m definitely a fan of sleeping all day when I’m burnt out emotionally. I have had moments when I’m drained in that sense, so in that case then resting, like real rest in bed is very helpful.
Thanks, Shanna.
Hi friend,
Let me add to the chorus of people who are saddened by the passing of your dad. There is more I could say, but there is no good way to say it right now.
I support your continued creation during however long your period of mourning lasts. This post was concise and stated well why we need to keep doing the things that define us, regardless of many circumstances.
Thank you, Joel. Really appreciate your support!
I am so sorry for your loss Denise. I can’t even imagine, my thoughts and prayers are coming your way.
Speaking strictly for myself, taking time away from creativity is overrated. I’ve tried it, and it just doesn’t work for me. My creativity has become so much a part of who I am as a person, without it I am somewhat aimless. I end up squandering the time I would have otherwise invested in creativity. Not to mention, there is such therapy in the creative process. Needless to say, I won’t be taking time off again any time soon.
Here’s to a better and more creative 2013.
Thank you, Rich. “Squandering time” – I can relate. I end up wandering around doing things that don’t matter, like I’m on auto-pilot. No fun and not therapeutic in helping me deal with anything either.
So very sorry to hear about your Dad’s (also your grandfather earlier in the year) passing! That is not easy…
And yes we creatives are wired differently;) What works for most people just doesn’t work for us…we have to find solutions that suit our own way of being even if that doesn’t seem rational to most folks.
Thank you, Carol. I think sometimes we know what works initially and then don’t trust that enough… at least for me that has been the case.
Has taken me a long time to trust those answers that seemed to pop up out of nowhere – they are coming from the deepest part of me! There’s a societal distrust of anything that cannot be explained rationally, like intuition.
Same here! I’ve had some past issues with trusting my own judgement.