[This post was originally published on one of my blogs that is no longer live]
I’ve never been afraid to ask for help or to offer help to those who needed it. To pick the brain of those far more accomplished than myself, while giving them the opportunity to give back to someone just starting out.
It seems like a natural cycle. This cycle of giving and receiving. But, I don’t take it for granted. Because the knowledge and skills that people acquire over time don’t come without effort and investment.
Passing that investment over to a peer or a worthy apprentice is a personal gift.
When I was looking for a place to do my externship for culinary school, I knew exactly where I wanted to do it. And I drove 4 hours to New Hampshire, just to ask the owner if I could.
This was not an average bakery. It was one of those fine European pastry shops and what they were creating there exemplified what I wanted to achieve for myself as a Pastry Chef.
When I arrived, the owner was kind, modest, and hospitable, and gave me a grand tour of his impressive bakery. I think he knew I was a little awestruck because I remember he said, “Don’t look at us like we’re Gods; we just work hard and love what we do.”
Sadly, I never did end up externing there, even though he did offer me the opportunity. I took the easy way out, and externed at a local bakery.
<bows head in shame>
But, I did learn something that day about what it means to be a professional.
The presence of a pro can be intimidating, but they tend to remain humble about their craft because of the work and dedication that got them there. And because deep inside, they’re always students. Open to learning and to refining their craft even further.
I was reminded of this again when I read Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield.
“The professional refuses to be iconized. Not for selfish reasons, but because he knows how destructive the dynamic of iconization is to the iconizer. The pro will share his wisdom with other professionals – or with amateurs who are committed to becoming professionals.”
~Steven Pressfield
Staying grounded might be the most important thing to be aware of when giving or receiving support.
We may differ in background, education, and achievements. We have different strengths and weaknesses. But every difference is an opportunity to learn. When we use our differences to envy or iconize, belittle or condescend, then that opportunity begins to leave us.
Hi Denise
That is so true, when people really are great and they are humble enough to know they can still learn.
I have seen so many times in the workplace where the ones that have gone up the ladder, somehow forget where they came from. I do admire the ones that know where they came from and appreciate those that may have played a minor role to their success. Those are the true stars in whatever they do.
So many people feel they got to where they are only by themselves and that is never true. Without others we would never succeed at anything. It may be indirectly but others have made it happen. With everything we have, with everything we have ever learned, without others we could not use the internet, have electricity, etc.
Very nice post.
Mary
Couldn’t agree more, Mary. I actually, wrote this in October on another site I experimented with launching and that was the focus of the whole site – about how we are not really self-made and learning ways to support each other. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to manage another major site, but I transferred a couple of posts here. I’m glad this one resonated with you!
One of the things I like about this corner of the blogosphere (and really, the entrepreneur/solopreneur blogosphere in general, with some notable exceptions) is that there isn’t a whole lot of the sorts of professionals that encourage idolizing and hoarding of information or tips. Every expert I’ve ever approached has been incredibly kind, helpful, and humble, which is an awesome experience to have as someone starting out or just someone behind the expert on the path.
I’ve had positive experiences like that as well in the blogosphere, but I’ve had my share of the opposite as well. I also see too many new bloggers afraid to approach or question the more experienced ones. But, if they did, they would be pleasantly surprised most of the time :)
My husband said, “Check this out!” and I am glad I did. Love this first post. When I was a literacy coach, my mentor and supervisor knew so much and was so willing to share resources and time I wasn’t sure when she slept. I’m convinced she has superpowers to this day, but she always humbly redirects praise back to the person giving it in the most genuine way. I love her all the more for it. Thank you, Denise. Looking forward to more!
Thanks, really appreciate your comment! Glad it resonated with you and your husband. Looking back, I have to say, I had a few special mentors like that and they were more important to my education than the formal training I had to pay for.
Amen! I always had this notion that blogging would be very cut throat and competitive, and I’ve been very pleasantly surprised to find how receptive this whole community is. It’s really easy to wish we had amazing skills like x y or z person, and it’s another thing entirely to actually reach out to those people and ask them for mentorship. This is something that I definitely need to be willing to do more often.
I thought that too about blogging at first. Turns out it’s more like a team sport :)
Denise,
This is atypical for my comments because they’re normally long and ramblish. I just want to say I’m SUPER excited to see what you create with this website! This was a good intro and provides a few hints for the direction you’re going to take it. As a guy who spends a lot of time thinking about how he can help his peers develop, there really aren’t many blogs better aligned with my world view than this one.
Thanks for launching Peer Mindset into the blog-o-sphere!
Thanks, Joel! I appreciate that. I hope it resonates with some people and they find some use/value in what I end up putting out here.
I’ve always felt that the most damage you can do as a mentor, guru, or expert, is allow yourself to be idolized. Some people will anyway, and there’s nothing you can do about it, but you simply can’t allow people to gloss over your mistakes and shortcomings, and you definitely should never pretend like you don’t struggle or have doubts. Sure, it might be good for your ego to have people think you’re All That, but you fail as a mentor because it only underlines your mentees feelings of worthlessness when they struggle, but think that you don’t because you’ve refrained from mentioning that you, too, are human.
Oops. Sorry for the rant. Great post! Can’t wait to see what else you come up with!
Thanks, Shanna! Rant away :)
You’re right. You can’t control how people view you, especially if you’re a really big name and have millions of fans. But those that are in closer proximity with their followers have more of an influence with that. Like the experience I gave – that was someone who I was going to work with and I could tell it was very important to him that I had the right frame of mind for learning and growth. I have a lot of respect for that.
I like this post — and the driving force behind this site, as well — a lot. It’s so easily to idolize those who possess the skills we desire. And the “pros” who bask in that idolatry rub me the wrong way. It’s the ones who fit the Pressfield quote that, I think, have it right. I’d much rather learn from someone like that!
Thanks, Erin! I have to agree with you there. That’s why I like Pressfield. I keep Turning Pro and War of Art on my nightstand.
Well said, as always. I’ve been thinking a lot about the different ways I can offer help to others as well as paying attention when I need to ask for help. I’m even thinking of writing something about this aimed at multipods… I like how you tie this in as a quality of a professional. Clearly that bakery experience was an important one even though you didn’t extern ther!
Thanks, Sarah. That would make a great topic to write about. The type of support we need, I’m sure looks different for everyone, so aiming an article like that to one group – like multipods – would be very beneficial – catering to their specific needs.